Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Why?
The question, the most profound one,
always starts with a WHY.
"Why?"
SEE?I guess that will always be a question unanswered.
So why am I spitting out bullshit stuff all over the beginning?
I dunno.
I mean, I guess I'm just pretty bored over the holidays, although I'm so NOT complaining about holidays, Lord oh God,I was just stating the boredness as just me being oh-so-boring and NOT because holidays are too long. In fact, make it all year! I-or I'm sure-we, will be all fine and lovely.ha ha.ha hah.
Not.
I mean the sadistic "ha ha" part.
I feel bored, empty, and I dun wanna go back to sch. *"Back To School" campaign, freak off!
I dun feel like going back to school.Even If its just one more year of high school.
GOSH, ONE MORE YEAR.
17.
which means SPM
which means SPM
whish means SPM
I don't think I wanna repeat it again the fourth time.
I don't know what has gotten into me. I'm constantly depressed, easily saddened, agitated always by the smallest things, whats wrong?
Whats the matter with me?
Well
Here's the confession:
I feel, I'm always going to be on my own.
Which is, phhffff, stupid, cause Helllooo..? You've got family darhhling.You've got a bunch of friends. You've got SOME opportunity. You're not hated...too much and you're not infamous...too much. Which is a GOOD thing considering how small and discreet this town is and could be respectively. So,
whats wrong,
whats up, Wazzup yo mama kiddo yo SUCK-KA?Nothing.
Nothing?Nothing.
And why is that...?Thats just it. Nothing.
Nothing is coming to me. Nothing interestingly good is happening to me. The nothingness is eating me away.
Darling,It's a good thing that nothing came. I mean, It could be a BAD thing, which is not a good thing, which is worse than nothing.I guess you're kinda right.
Of course I'm right, Crystal. I'm ALWAYS right. I'm like, your Law and Order.Except, of course, you're not the only one who's my Law and Order.
Now what do you mean by that now, huh?
Nothing.
Oh-h nothing.
*sigh
I guess I should quit complaining about the fact that I'll always be easily forgotten and taped as "Miss Nicey-Pancey-didshejustsaidfuckquestionmarkexclamationmarkkk" all the way. Which is good. I meant the latter part.
To not be remembered for the better things you did, well, thats just sad. Its like making a nice apple crumble pie with cinnamon sprinkles and fluffy cream on top, only to be ferociously eaten in one huge gulp. *gone like the wind
Its just as sad as THAT.
I don't have the looks, the figure, the right attitude. I'm just plain-ol Crystal, with the drama flair and oh-so blah clothes, the chinese-y hair , the ability to make people not understand my language and the low-so-low-wait-isthereeverevenone self esteem.
I feel terrible.
Oh you're too modest darhhling.
Oh shut up will ya, Law and Order?
*silence
I guess, I guess I do have some nice things about my life.
Like, erm...hmm...
Oh yea, the two pairs of earrings that Id just bought: A pizza-shaped one and a choc. cake-shaped one.
Aint that just cu-ute?
And the existences of eggs,lovely, brilliant eggs. Boiled, scrambled, fried, Japanese-styled, sunny-side up...Oh, the possibilities are ENDLESS.
And the production of Phineas and Ferb? I heart you guys<3
And Chocolate? Chocolates! CHOCOLATES!!!!!!!!
And Golf? oh wait, my love aint that consistent.
And my drama-ness? Oh wait, not cool.
How bout almond tea? Cinnamon tea? Green tea? ahh, now thats blissful.
And BOOKS!All the nice reading and sitting and breathing at intervals. Its brilliant.
And now I'm sad.
I know all the nice people in my life. Some included Renee, my long-distant relationship girlfriend(haha), Hilary, my dear sister slash friend slash golfing buddy, Mrs Teo, Add Maths teacher slash friend slash mentor, Mrs Hong, Piano teacher slash mentor slash friend ,Jon, friend slash friend slash friend.Yee, my friend slash Brain twin slash twin and Limin, my friend slash classmate slash Miss Nicey, even *gulps, Paul, friend slash noob slash Wheenoob. I guess, when it broiled down to this, only a few person registered in your mind, your heart, your soul. I can only thought of these people. And frankly, I confess with a pang of guilt, I can only think of these people. Why?
and now we're back to the question, arent we?
*sigh
♥